/Past Works/Songs/

Varicose Vain

Varicose Vain was born from an urge to do something which wasn't constrained by the felt need to do music appropriate for someone of my age and presupposed maturity. It's pure pretence. Pantomime.

Despite my intention for Falling Trees to be all encompassing, there will probably be times when I want to do something quick and trivial, so there will probably still be a need for Varicose Vain as an outlet, and maybe that will be released wider than Falling Trees, we'll see.
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In many ways though, I wish I'd kept him secret because the secret is now out, so the social mores come in to play once again and appropriateness ends up ruling.

Bananas for Monkeys

08/2023

I was starting to get some ideas together which didn't feel right for Stephen Ellis - too irreverent, too inappropriate, too unrestrained. I also wanted to do something with AI image generation. So I came up with the idea of resurrecting Varicose Vain and producing a bunch of promo material, as if it were historic, from back in the 90's. It was all based around the idea of a lost (and subsequently found), tape of home recordings.

A fun idea. It kind of all a got a bit lost in the mix though I think. Lacked a bit of conviction. Ultimately, even though the promo material was better and more plentiful, it didn't catch. Convincing me even more that this kind of 2D and video promotion doesn't work in isolation.

Also, it's so weird that no one ever seems to be impressed or surprised when technology has a transformative presence within the creative act - I mean, Jesus, all the images of these singers I concocted were just fabricated by computer!?. Maybe because the whole thing is a black box to people and so it either appeals aesthetically or it doesn't, irrespective of how it originates?

The songs were (mainly), fun to do though. And the whole process was quicker and less serious than Stephen Ellis fare, which was refreshing.

Bananas for Monkeys

lyrics

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--Intro--

It's not my life to choose

It's just my life to lose

That's just the thing

--Verse 1--

All alone a star and just a searching for a

It's like I'm missing something

Something or nothing but a

A thing to search for for a

A thing inside, outside, alive, arrived and left alive alive alive alive

--Chorus--

Sometimes I really miss you and I need you and I want you, but sometimes

Sometimes I just want to be alone

--Verse 2--

Always looking and a listening and a waiting for a

A little something or a someone

Just to mean a something

A thought, a touch, a word, but not too much

A thing to find, to breed, to share, to hold, to love and to leave

--Chorus--

--Verse 3--

To seek and to find, to see or be blind, the front or the hind, the cruel and the kind

The lost and the found, the shoved in the ground

Opinionated and contrary, shoved into the solitary

This is not the time, this is not the place, this is not your body, this is not your face, this is not even your crime

My oh my, I wont lie, say goodbye, you might die, go up high, this is just another drive by

--Chorus--

--Outro--

Change your number

Change your name

Change you mind

Change you brain

Change location

Change the station

Change positions

You're just the same

Searching for a girl

Searching for a man

Searching for a god

Searching for a plan

Searching for a pill

Searching for time to kill

Searching to pay a bill

Or just

Searching

Searching for a song

Searching for a book

Searching for a film

Searching for things to cook

Searching for a time

Searching for a rhyme

Searching for no reason

Or just

Searching

Searching for a job

Searching for ahouse

Searching for a dog

Searching for a hobby

Searching for a toy

Searching for a score

Searching for a cure

Or just

Searching

Bananas for Monkeys

08/2023

Screentime?

Had an idea for a fast juggernaut type of song for quite a while - must be the fastest song I've ever done? I love playing around with the potential vocal rhythms available against this kind of backdrop. Definitely felt like a Varicose Vain type of outing.

Had to use a pair of headphones up close to the guitar pickups to fake the feedback!

lyrics

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--Verse 1--

The clock

It says 2 minutes to 5

On the 9th of July

In 1989

Rush through a busy street

In a rush cos I'm meeting

A girl with the greenest of eyes

And the reddest of hair

And the prettiest of smiles

And a boyfriend that cheats and lies

--Verse 2--

For now

We're the bestest of friends

But pretty soon she'll see sense

And she'll be the love of my life

These streets are full ugly people

The poor and the greedy

The broken the crazy the old

Then a man he comes over

Grabs a hold of my shoulder

Looks straight into my eyes and sings

--Chorus--

Oh, I've lived a miserable life

Watching a tv on a couch with a wife

With 2 or 3 kids I see myself in your eyes

Oh, I've lived a miserable life

--Verse 3--

The bus stops

At another bus stop

Maybe I should have got off

Maybe 2 or 3 bus stops ago

Though, cos I don't where I'm going

No there' s way of knowing

I guess ill just turn up and see

Just what I have been missing

No more reminiscing

And pissing my whole life away

--Verse 4--

A girl leans up against a wall

She's 5 foot 10 inches tall

And I think that she's looking at me

A man stares at the seat that's next to me

Yeah he's old and he's frail

and he quietly asks if it's free

And then when he sits down

His face it suddenly frowns

He looks straight into my eyes and sings

--Chorus--

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--Verse 5

And now I'm at my GP

To see what he can see

Cos there is something up with me

There's a pain in my chest

There's a thought in my head

I'm in it's grip and now I can't get free

It gets bigger and bigger

It lingers and wriggles

It spins and it fidgets you see

--Verse 6--

Flicking through a woman's magazine

Cowboy boots and stonewashed jeans

And tips to keep her satisfied

The on the TV screen

Of the doctors surgery

Mr Briggs please come to room 5

Doctor listens to my heart

Puts his hand on my forehead

From the top of his voice he sings

--Chorusrepeat...---

Oh, I've lived a miserable life

Watching a tv on a couch with a wife

With 2 or 3 kids I see myself in your eyes

Oh, I've lived a miserable life

Oh, I've been alive for so long

Writing my words down and singing my songs

Got too ask myself where did it all go so wrong?

Oh, I've lived a miserable life

Oh, I tried so hard to be good

Doing all the things my mother told me I should

It wasn't my fault, my hands got covered in blood

Oh, I've lived a miserable life

Oh, and it's a terrible shame

Cos I hate to admit it, but I think I'm to blame

But it's still not my fault, because I'm somewhat insane

Oh, I've lived a miserable life

Bananas for Monkeys

08/2023

Oh (I've Lived a Miserable Life)

The chorus line came to me on the tram while I was journeying to work. It amused me massively - so petulant and ungracious! Somehow it felt too irreverent to be a Stephen Ellis song, especially as the lyrics developed and seemed to be centred in a distant and youth bound state. So I resurrected Varicose Vain to carry the can.

Somehow the chorus isn't as big as I wanted it. It feels a bit laboured. Maybe held back by the drums - I can't remember why, but I decided to get the Korg Vola Drum machine and use it for all the drums on this EP. I think the home-recording somewhat 90s sound of it appealed and played into this idea of it being a lost tape from the 90s. A concept which I tried to play out in social media, but I think was totally lost on a disinterested audience.

lyrics

...details

Somebody pass me a hammer

Somebody pass me a nail

I'm gonna make me a lion

I'm gonna make me a whale

Somebody pass me a spanner

Somebody pass me a screw

I'm gonna make me a monkey

I'm gonna make a whole zoo

Peach, banana, apple, pear

Rectangle, octagon, triangle, square

Red, violet, indigo, blue

Them, us, me, you

I went right up in a spaceship

I saw it all from up high

The stars and the planets of creation

That light up the night sky

I sailed a boat on the ocean

Yeah, I went way out to sea

I went looking for you

I didn't go looking for me

bish-bosh-bish-bash-bish-bash-bosh

Bananas for Monkeys

08/2023

Bish-Bosh-Bish-Bash-Bish-Bash-Bosh

Very silly song. But the thing I love about Varicose Vain is that it gives me permission to do very silly songs.

This one popped into my head fully formed as I was getting into the shower.

The beat is an attempt to nick completely from Good Times, Bad Times by Led Zep.

lyrics

...details

--Verse 1--

I'm out of options

I'm out of hope

I'm out toilet paper

And I'm out soap

I'm full of want

Cos I'm out of need

But just watching me coming

Cut me I will bleed

Over the horizon

Just out of reach

There's a marvellous sun

There's a glorious beach

Drinking pina colada

Having all the fun

I'm gonna try

--Chorus--

Singing

Try try try

As much as you want

Saying

Feel feel feel

As much as you need

And you go on on

Just as much as you have to

But it aint no fun

It aint no fun

No, it aint no fun

For me me me me

--Verse 2--

I'm gonnna live to 95

I'm gonna live my life alive

My heart is pure

My bones are strong

That's why I'm gonna live so long

But the thought they keeps arriving

Of those guys on that beach

I'm stretching out my arms

But I cant reach

From the tips of my fingers

To the end of my toes

I'm gonna try

--Bridge--

I cant continue this denial

I'm a snivellingcreep and I can't lie

So just let me come inside

One time

You can try

Yeah you can try

You can try, try,try, try, try, try, try

You can try, try,try, try, try

--Chorus--

Bananas for Monkeys

08/2023

Try, Try, Try

Lots of fun this one - decided to do one track without the drum machine and instead just got loads of samples from Ableton and threw them together till I got something that inspired me.

Tried to be a bit Talking Heads on this one.

Lyrically it's about not wanting to be social, but then feeling like you're missing out.

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lyrics

...details

Who'll steal the last kiss

Now we are done

Blow the candles and wish

Now we are done

Holding hands in the park

Now we are done

Who'll be scared now we are done

Thanks it was fun

But now we are done

Who'll cast the longs hadow

Of the last setting sun

Who'll earn the last dollar

Now that the race has been run

Who is pulling the trigger

Of the submachine gun

Who feels the explosion

Of the megaton bomb

Thanks it was fun

But now we are done

Who'll tell the last lie

Of this web that's been spun

Its just bananas for monkeys

Another hit and run

Who'll be looking around

And asking where's everyone gone

Thanks it was fun

But now we are done

Just a walking disaster

We all know you're not the one

Gonna put you out to pasture

Like you hadn't begun

But what's done is done

Now we're all done

Slam on the brakes

Now we're all done

Cash in the stakes

Now we're all done

Dig the last grave

Now we're all done

Stand and wave

Who's gonna shed the last tear

Now we're all done

Who's gonna see that we're not here

Now we're all done

Who's gonna dream the last dream

Now we're all done

Who's gonna scream the last scream

Now we're all done

Now that we're done

Who's gonna start the revolution

Now that we're done

Who's gonna find the solution

Now that we're done

Who's gonna seek out retribution

Now that we're done

Who's gonna plead for absolution

Who's gonna tear down the signs

Now we're all done

Who's gonna make us resign

Now we're all done

Who's gonna keep us in line

Who's gonna commit that one last crime

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Bananas for Monkeys

08/2023

We're Done

Definitely one of my least successful songs I think. I mean, I like the song, somewhere within its core, but the recording is really stale, stolid, a bit pained. It bores me. I should have ditched it and started again tbh, but sometimes you just feel its too late and you need to force it to conclusion.

Which is one of the things that most pleases me about this site and this new way for me to work. Where, in the future I can leave things as more open ended, non-conclusive and available for rework. No need to finish anything for the sake of just getting it published to Spotify et al!

[Note - I listened to this song more recently and maybe it's not as bad as I thought...]

lyrics

...details

--Intro--

Oh, I'm in a bit of a funk

You're standing there just ignoring my junk

I'm not drunk

But I aint no monk

I've got some love for you in my trunk

--Verse 1--

Baby, now my hands are on my hips

I got all the quips

My words like apple pips

Sewing seeds

I weed out all the weeds

When I sing my creed, girl you'd better heed

From my words you're gonna get your feed

Take my lead

We'll do the dirty deed

--Chorus--

Take a look at me now

Yeah just stand and stare

Coz I'm standing there

With my curly hair

And my hands on myhips

Like I just don't care

With my balls in the breeze

And my ass in the air

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--Verse 2--

Hey a

I'm a bit of a playa

My hair like Leo Sayer

Peeling back all the layers

Of meaning

There's somethin' quite appealing

Of what I am revealin'

I'll give you some kind of healin'

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--Bridge--

Hey don't look into my eye

My view is a-priori

And cannot be denied

My word comes before Wittgenstein

In the eye of my eye

My posterior is a-posteriori

--Outro--

And I'm tired of believin

I'm tired of this feelin

I'm tired of even being Steven

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Some Love in My Trunk

11/2016

Came across this photo when digging around on Pinterest for images for The Affair. Just made me laugh outloud. Something so preposterous about the guy in the background. Lyrics started coming to me straight away, so did the name - Varicose Vain - and the cockney accent!?

It was too irregular for The Affair, but I felt compelled to record the song anyway. It was done and dusted in less than 24 hours.

Posted it under a new account and hardly told anyone about it at the time. I've grown more comfortable with it over time though.

I love the line "tired of believin', tired of this feelin', tired of even being Steven". Captured everything about everything for me at the time, which despite the joviality of the song, was actually quite a tricky time for me.

Some Love in My Trunk

lyrics

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